Trans-Pony!

I showed my sister my “fake eye contact” and asked how it looked…

she said it looks like a “demonic stare”

I don’t know if that means I should give up on it…

I thought I wanted to be emotional but now I have too much.

I feel like crying all the time

It’s unbearable

jetbuilder:

This describes my human interaction quite well!

I have a lot of difficulty online chatting even, unless it’s with people I know well (only two people really) and in person I can’t even say something simple like “hi”…
but I haven’t met the people I know well in person… I’m scared because I know I probably won’t be able to say a single word. =(

jetbuilder:

This describes my human interaction quite well!

I have a lot of difficulty online chatting even, unless it’s with people I know well (only two people really) and in person I can’t even say something simple like “hi”…

but I haven’t met the people I know well in person… I’m scared because I know I probably won’t be able to say a single word. =(

Fake eye contact

I think if I stare in the direction of someone, they won’t notice if I don’t actually ever look at their eyes. I have to position my head so that I can look up in their direction without actually seeing their face… seeing a mouth is bothersome to me too and if they’re moving their hands I also need to make it so I can’t see that. I have only  tried it once, on my old psychologist, who thought it was real eye contact… so I think it works.

The disadvantage is that it’s difficult to concentrate on what someone is saying when focusing on looking in their direction… even when avoiding seeing things… and I’d really rather not be doing it because it’s uncomfortable…

but I will try it more… I don’t really go to social situations but I can test it next time my mum talks to me.

I wish my life was a cute anime like K-on…. not Watamote… V_V

My final class ever is this week…

This year has been awful for me because I was too depressed to work most of the time and I didn’t go to most of the classes because they made me feel too bad… I even got a doctor’s note to excuse me from those.

I think it’s good that it’s over but I have no idea what happens next…

I have no career plans like normal people have… I’ve never even had a part time job… I used to think it would get easier to do stuff in the future … but actually I think it’s gotten harder. I’m not ready for anything and probably never will be… I don’t know what to do.

I found this blog post about Watamote…

It’s good to see that I’m not alone about it.

This anime is very relatable…
I think I’m a lot like Tomoko V_V

This anime is very relatable…

I think I’m a lot like Tomoko V_V

I hate feeling emotionless…

I feel sadness again now but I’m glad it’s back…
I hope I can keep this feeling even if it is painful…

I need it…
I need to feel something.

amee-chan:

Eva drew this picture of me <3

amee-chan:

Eva drew this picture of me <3